Remind and Regret
by Mochizuki Yuuya
Summary: The day that Kiku has been waiting for months to come is now here. His wedding. But, no madder what he does he can't seem to keep his mind on his new spouse. He wants to spend his life with another. He knows it's selfish, but he can't seem to get past it. One-sided AsaKiku and Ameripan
1. A Mistake

Remind and Regret

Chapter 1- A Mistake

The loud cheering or everyone in the crowd, the ringing of bells, the theme that organ played for the people around. Cheerfulness was clear in the very air. Everyone was waiting happily, chatting with others and dressed in their best gowns and dresses.

Behind the cheery crowds and the happy aura, there lied a feeling of stress for the one individual. But what bride wouldn't be stressed or nervous on their wedding? Nervousness was a given for anyone that had a team of people circling his like vultures to make sure he looked perfect for his occasion. If he wasn't stressed enough then Kiku would politely tell someone that the corset he had on was the most painful thing he's ever worn. But he had enough on his mind.

Kiku had the nerves and the stress that a typical bride would be diagnosed with. Though the man had more than wedding issues on hand. The point of marriage is what gave him the feeling that he would pass out. Not for a good reason. Kiku would barely ever say the words "Love" except if he meant it.

Unlike his Italian friend, the small black haired man thought that the term "I Love You" was a deep commitment. Surely not to be used for co-workers or friends. Now, that he was going to be wed, he could use the words. Also he would mean them. The man that had proposed to him knew that the word "Love" would come later. That could be what triggered the wheat blond to fall for the small Japanese in the first place. Or it could just be what their bosses set up.

Either way, the love of the couple would grow with time. Love at first sight or falling for someone the second you meet wasn't a reality that Kiku knew of. He wasn't even certain if Arthur loved him back. This could be a wedding set completely by their bosses or set completely from love. The only way to know would be to confront Arthur himself about it.

This is what stressed Kiku the most, after the vows were exchanged and a kiss was given – this was also Kiku's first kiss. That could be another thing that stressed him out. But a petty kiss was the last of his troubles- He would have to ask Arthur about if the wedding was for their love or for their nations. Even if they felt no love, or if the wedding ceremony was made just for the sake of their countries, Kiku and Arthur wouldn't be able to do anything about it. The small Japanese man would do anything in his power to try to stop an eternity of a loveless marriage, even if it meant to fall for someone that he didn't love.

His head was torn from his thoughts as he felt as if his ribs were about to crack from the pressure. He let out a small plead to the men around him to please loosen it for him. Which they did, if only by a very small amount. It still felt better though.

Soon, he would be stepping down the vivid carpet. In his wedding dress, he would hold a bouquet of Chrysanthemum and a bunch of Tudor roses mixed with them. The two flowers of their countries, in a bunch together. It resembled the bond that they would have from here on. The two lives would be one together just how the flowers were one together in the bouquet.

The sky would be as blue and clear as can be, white flowers and streamers would be wrapped around the pillars and the flower petals from the Sakura would be scattered everywhere, flowing to the ground at a calm pace. The red carpet would be covered in the blossoms, the red would be barely visible under the blanket of pink... He would tread over them slowly as his dress trailed behind him.

Everyone would watch as he made his way down the aisle. Especially the one that he was walking to. Arthur. He would be in a black tuxedo. It would have a bright and big chrysanthemum on the front right side of his chest. To match the Tudor roses that were placed carefully in Kiku's raven hair. The emerald eyes of his would watch in pure awe as the bride came down the carpet of flower petals. That was his bride, Arthur would repeat in his head. The beauty of his new spouse would make him blush. He would smile to himself and for the few in the crowd that kept their eyes on the groom to see his reaction, other than the bride in his dress.

Kiku would look over to his side, the man that had his arm would look back. Yao would be dressed in a tuxedo a lot like the groom they were trekking to. But minus the flower. He would look back and none of them would comment the tears streaming down the brunette's cheeks. A silent exchange would be made before Kiku would give his big brother a hug. The years of fighting and hatred would be put behind them for this one day. Today Yao only felt happy for the personification of Japan.

The walk to the pedestal would be the longest and the shortest walk Kiku had ever been through. It was too long before he could hold the gentleman's hand and stare into his eyes while he felt the other squeeze his hand for reassurance. It was too short for a bride knew that after the party had vanished and after the friends had long since gone home he would have matters to confront the other with. His beating heart wouldn't stop for either scenario. Kiku felt as if he was about to pass out.

When he finally stepped on the raised platform with the priest and the man he would love either way, he would stare into the green eyes that shone back and wouldn't feel anyone else there. He wouldn't take into consideration the people the witnessed anything. He wouldn't take into consideration of the possibility that the man beside him didn't love him back, neither of them would think of that.

Because even if they didn't feel love normally, on this occasion they loved the other more than anything. They would have love for each other on such an occasion. Many vows would be spoken between the two of them. Their eyes never stopping from getting lost in the other's while they spoke. Everyone in the crowd would lean forward ever so slightly to make sure they caught every word said. The priest would say the things he needed. The two would be asked the question on a lifetime. Both would reply without any hesitation, still staring into the brown and green in front of them.

"I do."

"I do."

"You may now kiss the bride"

Kiku's first kiss would be a loving and gentle kiss to the lips, a kiss to seal the commitment they were both in. A kiss to seal the love that would grow and blossom just as the Sakura did. A kiss to seal the life that the two would be in together for the rest of their days. A kiss to ask the skies above if they could have a successful marriage and a happy life together.

The people around would all cheer, everyone would smile. Even Yao or Feliciano who had burst into tears at the loving and perfectly executed wedding. Even the people like Ludwig who only smiled if for a very good reason would find it in himself to smile now. The people like Ivan who would smile sadistically on any occasion would smile sweetly and in happiness for the two newlyweds, while scooting over on the bench to reach over to a crying Yao and pat him on the back reassuringly.

The wedding would be a success. Kiku was sure it would be. The wedding was pefect except for the one problem and miracle that would always be on the top of his thoughts, even he wanted it to be or not.

America, Alfred F. Jones.

Alfred was Kiku's best friend, Alfred would help Kiku whenever he needed it. Alfred would be there to give Kiku a hug if his favorite character died in a manga or anime. To tell him that it was okay and that he was the hero and it was his job to make Kiku feel special when he was sad whenever said raven haired man would ask what it was Alfred had hugged him for. It would take getting used to with the social and physical contact that he would have with Arthur after the wedding but with Alfred he would feel natural with it. Alfred would always comfort Kiku if he needed any.

Alfred was KIku's hero.

This was the stress. The wedding was set up so long ago. Arthur had gotten on one knee and showed Kiku a commitment and a question. It was KIku's fault that he didn't say "No". It was all his fault that he would marry Arthur now and leave Alfred behind like he never mattered. The worst part is that Kiku knew the love that Alfred felt for him, it wasn't a matter of never knowing.

The American had confessed just three weeks before the horrible and perfect day that Arthur had proposed. He had confessed that he had admired Kiku for longer than anyone could have guessed. The Japanese man hadn't replied. He hadn't told Alfred that he loved him back and had for countless years, he also didn't say that he has a love for another, or any other distrustful excuse. He just ran away. Away from it as if that wouldn't hurt the other at all, or if it would give him more time to think.

The word "Love" was a commitment in itself, and he was prepared for the commitment of loving Alfred, or marrying him. Or having a life with him. To repay the hero that lit up his world and made him feel special and loved back, Kiku would do anything for Alfred. If only he realized himself sooner. If only he had a chance to go back and confess to Alfred as well. Or to let him know that he didn't want to be married to a man he did not love yet, even if Arthur might love Kiku. Kiku's heart was stolen by Alfred F. Jones. The hero only committed to good deeds committed the crime of making the innocent Japanese fall for him.

The lovely fantasy of a perfect wedding wasn't at all the reality Kiku knew he would face. He knew that he would have to explain to Alfred. He wanted to see Alfred. He wanted to see him and to smile at him and then to be able to give his hero a hug. A hug to forget and erase all of these marriage plans and change the past that haunted him so. To go back to the day of the confession, to take the ring that Arthur offered him and ask Alfred to share this day with him. To be the groom of this wedding instead.

For that, Kiku could only wish that he could have another chance to undo everything and go back to the day three weeks ago when the chance to get the life he wanted and repay Alfred for everything he has done was still in arm's reach.

But KIku messed up and now that chance was gone.

That was going to haunt him forever. He couldn't change that. The guilt and regret he had was going to follow him like his own shadow and there wasn't anything he could do about it. But, he would have Arthur to help him through it. Even if he wasn't the man that Kiku had dreamt of and loved already. They would make it work.

Arthur had sent invitations to their wedding to everyone in the Allies, Axis, and most other neutral countries as well. A temporary truce was called on all wars. Nobody would be fighting or arguing on such an occasion. Arthur had worked so hard to set up this wedding for the two of them. It would be a sin to think of anyone else on a wedding day. But whatever he thought of always brought Kiku's thoughts back to the man whom he had loved first. Who he had gone against and most likely broke the innocent man's heart.

The man sighed as he stood. Staring back into the clear and clean mirror in front of him. He still doesn't know how he got put into a dress for the ceremony or much less why he agreed to it. He could feel the cream corset under squeezing his ribs together.

Minus the pain he did really look like a queen, or a princess. He had a long and white dress that had all types and colors all over it. A mix of the two cultures didn't look too bad in retrospect in the dress. Along with that all he had a band of chrysanthemum and Sakura that went through his raven hair, along with a barrette to keep some of the hair behind his ear. Everything seemed to match the dress. Said dress flowed perfectly enough to almost look like it was made from flowing flower blossoms. With light shades of reds and pinks stranded around it, he looked as if a fairy or another mythical creature. It almost seemed surreal.

He stood and stared at his emotionless reflection. He felt hollow, incomplete. It was Kiku's wedding. He should have every right to be happy, or nervous. But he wasn't happy about the occasion. And his nerves far stretched that of a typical bride. He had more things on his mind than that of today. His mind stretched far into the past and the future.

The near past such as the confession and the proposal weeks after. The far past such as the incident that he had caused long ago in the heat of war. How he had hurt his own brother, how it was Alfred to knock sense into him. The near future, like after the ceremony and reception. Kiku would have to ask Arthur if he loved him or not. Or the far future, pondering if he would have a nice life with Arthur together. If he would grow to love him at all.

He was knocked out of his thoughts by a loud knock on the door to the dressing chamber he was in. Kiku was a little embarrassed about anyone seeing him in this dress of his, but everyone would see it soon enough. He murmured a small "Come in..." while still staring into his blank face. Hoping that he could get the other on the opposite side of the door to hear him. When they didn't he glared at the door through the mirror. Blaming the door for his problems and taking his anger at himself out on it. His rare little fits of rage starting to seep in. "Come in." he said with much more emphasis to his voice.

The door opened slowly, almost as if the one opening it was pondering to keep opening it or to close it and run off. After a few more seconds of the slow opening a head popped over the side and gasps. Kiku smiles slightly as he sees the head of his elder brother in the reflective glass. "Hello, Yao-san."

He could only see the other's eyes. The rest of his body and face was hidden behind the door. The two honey eyes were wide and staring at the reflection of his little Kiku in his beautiful dress. It may just be the mirror but Kiku thought that he saw a glistening in Yao's eyes. He could also hear a louder than necessary sniffle from him. Then saw the head disappear behind the door again. It was best to just let the man get his feelings out now.

Kiku focused back on his face and saw the small smile he had spread on his lips. It faded quickly. He was going to need a smile more than that if he was going to step down the aisle. Even if it might not be one-hundred percent real.

Hid eyes went back to the other once he came out from behind the door. Red and puffy eyes to show that he had been crying like the sentimental fool he was. But Kiku loved his brother no matter how an idiot he thought he could be. But who was Kiku to talk about idiocy, anyway? He looked at his brother through the glass and tried to give a happier smile. To get rid of the negative feelings and try to keep them from tainting his smile. If he couldn't be happy he could look happy.

"There is no need to cry." He smiled sweetly through his words, it was a success.

"But I can't help it! Just look at you! You're getting married! Married!" He yelled back at and pouted, crossing his arms over his chest.

Kiku faltered for a second before striking back up with the biggest grin of reassurance and cheeriness that he could muster. Anything to convince his brother that he was okay and that he was happy about the scenario. Anything to hide what he really felt. "I am." He replied with a small chuckle.

"It's no fair, how come you're getting married before me? Not that I want to marry anyone, I can handle myself thank you very much. But it still isn't fair!" Kiku let out another laugh at the other's antics and his argument. The silliness of the other never failed to make the black haired chuckle. Or it would at least cheer him up. "I am sorry. If you wanted me to wait you should have spoken up."

"Well, the wedding is already happening! Like hell I would stop it now! I'm not that bad of a brother, you know!" Yao pouted more, but the Japanese could easily see by the way Yao's lip twitched once or twice that he was smiling under that. He was just trying to be a tough guy right now. In war he was strong and had the best Allies, but in social conversations the smaller brother knew he was just about as good at them as he was himself.

"I know that you are. You are a good brother to me. Thank you. ". He let that slip out while he had so much clouding his mind. There are many things that would most likely slip out before this ceremony. Until the time he exited this room to walk down the carpet he knew that he would have a hard time keeping thoughts down.

He could tell that he surprised his brother by looking back to his face in the mirror and seeing it with wide eyes and his mouth hung open. Not to mention that his eyes were starting to glisten again. It seemed like he tried to speak or respond to that but couldn't get the words out. Kiku just kept practicing his sweet smile and was quite proud of himself for it. "Well… Thank you, Kiku." The brunette laughed out, like he had a pressure lifted off of his chest. He smiled back with as much happiness as the other had ever seen him. Kiku could only be envious of the perfect smile that Yao got with hardly any trying at all.

"Thank you too, Yao-san." He still mentally noted how that other smiled like that. He would need as much help as he could get to pull off the smile for this wedding. At least his long-haired brother would be there to help him out and hold his hand through it. Whether he knew he would be or not.

"Kiku, I would like to well... Congratulate you. I already warned Arthur! If he hurts you… may the gods have mercy on his soul."

"You don't have to scare him… I don't think Arthur-kun would break my heart. Please don't do that..." He said with a smaller and sheepish smile. He was excepting that.

Yao laughed and stepped more into the room finally. Ignoring the statement and plea in favor of the bride in front of him. Walking up to his little brother and admiring said other in the mirror. He looked over Kiku from the dress to the perfect porcelain face of his "You really do look like royalty today, Kiku."

Kiku thought about the compliment for a second before smiling more genuinely and letting a small blush creep to his cheeks. Which was covered by a small amount of artificial blush that was placed on him earlier. Kiku didn't complain about that though, he knew that Arthur would have a small amount of make-up on as well.

"Thank you again… It means a lot to me that you would be here for me today." What he didn't say was that the emotional support was the only thing that really kept him from falling apart. This wouldn't be the first time that his elder family member and guardian had kept his from falling apart. He had had a long crying session after the time he hurt Yao, he had to have a certain blond help him to feel better after. But it's not like the black haired man would admit that out loud.

"Of course I would be here for you! I wouldn't miss this for the world. I also told you that I'm not that bad of a brother, sheesh. You're not even as old as me and you're losing your memory already!" He said with a huff and placed his hands on his hips. The pose of a scolding mother, or in this case, an over-protective older sibling.

Kiku felt that he smiled once more. He might have had more smiles today than his whole life combined. Even if a few weren't real... Wasn't that the point of a wedding for someone like him though? This smile was real once again. "Yes. I must be really old to be getting into something like this, aren't I?" He said with a small tone of bittersweet. He knew that he was a nation and that he still had many centuries before anything like death was a possibility. But just having the knowledge that you're old gives many nameless emotions.

"We're all old, Kiku. Don't give me that tone! You haven't even reached puberty in a nation's life to me! You better live long like me so that you can actually say that you're old and mean it, okay?"

Kiku gave a genuine laugh and turned from the mirror to look into his brother and past guardian's face, opposed to the reflection of it. "I promise. I'll get really old, just for you." He said with a content sigh.

"You better, Mister Honda!" Yao once again smiled back, his joking tone made the aura of stress and regret in the world wash away for one of happiness and the joyful part of the wedding seemed to reach Kiku for a split second. Yao was the master at making Kiku see the optimistic part of things like this. Said Japanese man couldn't be happier with it.

They didn't speak for the next few moments. Just taking the time to enjoy each other's sweet smiles. It was a great moment. The most memorable of times sometimes don't have to have long and encouraging words or actions in them. It could be something as simple as a small talk about age, it seems. Don't let the world's illusions trick you.

They stood until they both knew that it was the time. The crowd outside was waiting for them. It was Kiku's time to go out and see what his future would be like. Time to seal the deal that he had so stupidly agreed to. His mind was a hurricane as he grabbed Yao's arm to hold. Either Kiku would be wed today to the man that asked for his heart, or he would be swept away and saved by his hero who didn't ask but stole his heart instead. They would see.


	2. Days with His Hero

Remind and Regret

Chapter 2- Days with His Hero

A long breath of some of the last warm breezes of summer wind blew across the grass and picked up the leaves. The many leaves getting whisked away to wherever it took them. It was relaxing and calming to watch the act of nature in front of him. Autumn leaves were fairly new to Kiku. He had been at England's house many times where they had them there. But never had he seen something like this before.

To see the beautifully colored leaves dancing across the sky and ground was one thing. But to see a grown man jumping into piles of leaves like they were a soft mattress or a futon was another thing.

As hard as he tried, the small raven-haired man couldn't help the fun smile that spread on his face. Along with the chuckle as his American friend pulled out of the leaves to reveal they were everywhere on him. They stuck to his hat and his jacket, even one hung off of his blue glasses. Not to mention how funny it was that he needed a hat and a thick jacket when Kiku was walking around in a thin sweater. Alfred never ceased to make him laugh.

This walk was set in the time when he had moved into Alfred's house and they lived together as roommates. The two of them had been playing a few rounds of DDR –A great game, Kiku would like to put in this story. He beat Alfred by at least 30,000 points every time. But the other knew that he loved it so they both played it together still, Alfred even went out of his way to get Kiku another matt so they could play together- When Alfred's phone went off.

They hauled the game and the blonde answered the phone with his usual cheeriness. It was the man's brothering nation, Canada. After a short talk Alfred put a hand over the phone as looked back to his roommate to ask him if he wanted to get some pizza with Canada. Of course Kiku said yes, he would love nothing more than to get a chance to eat out with Alfred.

Plus his brother was a very kind person. They once had a play-date with Poochi-kun and Kumajiro at a "Bring Your Pets!" meeting, the meeting theme was to keep nations from skipping out on the meetings altogether. It was a success. Yao brought his Panda, Feliciano brought his cat, Pookie, Alfred tried to bring a whale! –What an odd country- and Ludwig brought three dogs. Nobody could tell him otherwise since the sign did say "Pets" and there was no rule against multiple pets, and nobody wanted to argue with him while he had three scary dogs by his side. But never mind all of that, the polar bear cub and the dog got along fairly well.

So, Alfred and Kiku put the game away and got dressed for the pizzeria they would be going to. They didn't take the car since the weather was nice and the shop was so close. The weather was nice, even if Alfred took it like it was late winter and wore a thick coat and hat along with gloves. Silly Alfred.

So then the two of them head out on a walk to the small pizzeria. The mid-autumn air was clean and refreshing. The walk was an adventure all on its own. Even if it was only a five block walk from their home.

First, Alfred had a habit of going off of the streets and paths that they were going down. If he found something that he wanted to show Kiku he would take the liberty of grabbing the man's hand and tugging him down the streets. Ignoring the looks people gave them as well. Kiku had to apologize to two families who his blonde friend ran right through.

Even if he could be a handful, the small Japanese man was happy that he was friends with the other.

So the first thing that the American took a detour to show was a large fountain. The fountain was very large, at least a square of 20 meters in total. He stood in awe at the fountain and had to stand on his tip toes to see over the stone walls to the top of it. He smiled at the view of the water and the lights below it that shone through. It reminded the raven haired of his pond at home. Both of the ponds were beautiful, even if they were small rivers for fish or a big and flashy fountain for the public to watch in amazement. They were both pretty in their own ways.

It reminded Kiku of something else. Or someone else.

He continued to smile and watch the unique pattern that the water made on the concrete walls around the pool. He watched with an amount of concentration that he hadn't even heard Alfred call his name. Though he cringed and let out a yelp when he felt something cold run down his warm and covered back.

The man struggled for a moment to get the cold off of his back and see what it was. While his American friend just stood back and laughed knowingly. After more shaking Kiku got the thing to fall out of his sweater. It was none other than a small coin. He held it in his small hand and looked over at the blonde to see him itching the back of his neck sheepishly. A dorky grin plastered on his face. "You should listen when I call for 'ya!"

The man black haired wondered for a moment if he would be better off apologizing to the other, but decided against it. He could take his time to look at the fountain if he wanted. Plus he didn't think that Alfred would mind either way.

Kiku chuckled and smiled back with a small bite to his face. A small smile of revenge or something else unpleasant. If he didn't get a good question to his next question this small and orange coin, he believed it was a penny, would be down the taller man's bomber jacket and down his more toned back next. "What's this for?"

"It's for you to make a wish, dude!" Alfred smiled back and ignored the small bit of anger that Kiku could barely muster in the first place. He said in a tone that made it sound obvious.

The smaller man was going to say something more convincing about the penny being stuffed down Alfred's shirt but didn't quite get what was said first. Tilting his head slightly to get the point across that he didn't quite understand.

Alfred laughed again and stepped closer to the other, taking the smaller man's hand in his own and using the other to reach into the pocket of his jeans. Taking out a coin identical to the one Kiku had soon after.

"If you throw a coin into the fountain and then make a wish, it'll come true!" Kiku waited for a second to try to understand how that would work. But it wasn't time to think about things like that. Plus it was very, very hard to think of anything logical with a tanned hand wrapped around his own.

"Is this for me to throw into the fountain, then?" He asked the question and Alfred laughed and talked like it was even more obvious than the phrase before. "Uh, yeah! Who else would it be for, Dude? It's all for you!"

"Oh. Thank you. But...Erm. What should I wish for, anyway?"

"Haha, I can't decide that for you! Whatever you want to wish for!"

"I don't k-know what I want, though…" He said with a small stutter, mostly at the fact that their hands were still against each other's. Which didn't only cause the stutter but his cheeks to redden at the contact. He lowered his head to look at the cobblestone below the two of them, and their shoes. How Alfred wore converse and Kiku had a pair of sandals. So different.

"Well… Is there anything that you might want?"

"I d-don't think there is…"

Alfred had a small chuckle to his voice, determined to get Kiku a wish. "Have you ever had something that you dreamed about having, but could never get it?"

"Not that I know of… "

"Hmm... Maybe you could just wi-"

"Wait!" Kiku's face brightened and he looked back up at Alfred with a smile again. Hoping that the other didn't mind the interruption or the redness of his fragile cheeks. "I know what I want to wish for."

"That's great, Kiku! C'mon, let's make our wished then!" Alfred and Kiku smiled back at each other as the smaller of the two held the coin close to his chest. The blonde helped the other to climb up the stone wall so they could both get a better view of the pool. It glistened with thousands maybe even hundreds of thousands of coins of all colors and shapes at the bottom of the fountain. Kiku and Alfred both silently repeated their wished as they threw the two coins into the middle of the fountain.

Both of their wishes were kept secret and held by their hearts from that day on. Both of them never knew about what the other had wished for but they couldn't help but wonder what it was. Clueless to the fact that they both wished for that same thing.

"I wish it could be like this forever!"

Kiku sighed dreamily as he went over that day and wish again. He would say that it seemed like that was forever ago, the last time he had spent with Alfred. That was right. The bride was two steps and a maximum of another minute before he would see his boyfriend –Was that really what Arthur was for him right now, a boyfriend?!- For the last time before marriage. The commitment that bound two hearts and souls together, forever. Kiku felt like he was about to throw up. A feeling any bride should never, ever feel on wedding day.

He put his hand over his beating heart and tried to get that wish far out of his mind. Far, far away from his thoughts. Now he should be thinking of his wheat blonde gentleman waiting for him out there. That Kiku was keeping everyone waiting. That he didn't know if he could trust his legs to carry him all the way to the other man. His other man that he would be marrying. No, not that he would be marrying him. That he was marrying him.

Kiku opened his eyes once again to see Yao standing next to him with wide eyes. His face had a look of complete panic and he tried desperately to call out to his little brother. "Kiku, Kiku?! What happened!?"

The raven haired snapped back to his reality. Trying to pull off another reassuring smile. But meeting failure quickly. He felt that one of his knees gave out and he gripped Yao's shoulders hard to keep standing. "Are you okay!?" The brunette yelled back and tried to support the man on him with all the muscle he could find from his past.

He pulled the other off of him after another moment of the bride trying to regain balance. Allowing a long gasp to escape steal his breath and his mouth hung open wider than ever. "K-Kiku, why are you crying?" He asked in a much softer voice. Trying to continue to hold Japanese man for support, physically and mentally.

"I-I-I-I am c-c-crying…?" He used the back of his hand to feel below his left eye. Feeling the wetness and pulling his hand away to see a very faint pink color smeared across his hand.

"Y-yes, you are…" Yao trailed off and reached up to wipe away his brother's tears on his special day. He would be damned if he let a bride cry in front of him like this!

"I… I am s-so s-s-sorry, Y-Yao-s-s-san…" Kiku pushed away his brother's hands and tried desperately and furiously to wipe his eyes from any signs of the tears ever being there. His brother watched with a look of worry that wouldn't leave his face. Trying to think of any way to assist or at least get the hiccups to leave the usually quiet and soft voice.

"Kiku… Why are you crying?" He asked once again, taking the other's hands and wiping away the smeared make-up on them.

After countless seconds and time that he never got an answer, he looked back down into the pale hands in his own and tried to lighten the mood. "Heh, it's a good thing they you all agreed against having you wear mascara. Then this would be a full disaster… Aru… " His voice died down to a whisper, trying to be as gentle or caring as he could be.

"I am c-crying… because… b-b-because…" Kiku murmured from under his lowered head. His bangs covered his face and he hoped that the only other person with him didn't see the few tears that fell from his cocoa eyes to the hard floor below. He also hoped that they didn't fall on the beautiful dress that he wore. But, in all honesty, Kiku didn't care less. To hell with this English-Japanese dress.

Kiku wanted to wear a dress that was the exact way that he had seen himself in the day he imagined this day years ago. He would have a dress that didn't require anything like a corset or five centimeter elevated sandals that he had to take a week just to learn how to walk in. A dress that would flow all the way to the floor and beyond, with a long trail behind it of white fabric. A strand of white flowers and pink roses would be hung on the side and put into his raven hair himself.

A dress that he would make up that could be just the way he wanted it, not with a combinations of cultures or an alliance stamped onto it. But a dress that he could dream of and find in a store of them himself. Kiku wanted to be in a dress that Alfred would love to see him in, or something that made him look "Cute" and made Alfred want to make "Aww" noises at him and kiss his pale, soft and make-up less cheeks.

Before anything like this was in reach. When the small man's thoughts weren't clouded the way they were now with sorrow, regret, impatience, and any other negative feeling you could think of he probably felt that too. He couldn't dream about things such as a marriage with anybody with Arthur. It was against the few laws of what a bride has to do.

Kiku snapped out of his thoughts again and moved his clean hands back to his face to wipe away the new wetness on his cheeks.

"I am crying because I don't want to marry Arthur!" Kiku finally gave up and yelled out for the world to hear. The large doors would or would not keep that from the crowds and the groom behind it. He didn't even care if Arthur heard anymore. Then he just wouldn't have to yell it again.

…

What was he saying?! Of course he cared about Arthur! The man was one of his only friends, and the Englishman had even the possibility of loving Kiku! There was no way that he could just, well, blurt out something like that to him! And especially not to the innocent man's face! There was no way!

Kiku gasped at himself as he moved a hand to clamp over his mouth. Keeping himself from speaking more and holding his breath, as if it could make him faint and get him out of this scenario forever. He closed his eyes so tight that he hoped that his eyelids would be glued shut forever. Then maybe he would be sent to the hospital or have the wedding canceled or delayed so that they could fix his eyes.

Anything, please, please! Anybody just send him anything to get him out of going through that door and to the spouse waiting for him-!

He took his hand off of his mouth after another minute or two of his helpless crying, the back of his hand was drenched, and he didn't bother to wipe it off due to the lack of attention for it.

"Y-Y-Yao-s-san, I-I c-can't d-do this.. I j-just c-c-can't…" Kiku whispered out behind his bangs. Hiding his tear-stained face due to the embarrassment and the shame he felt. "I-I c-c-can't…"

After a short pause Yao continued to watch his brother's face as he broke down. He just couldn't take it anymore. Seeing the little brother he found and raise like this made Yao's eyes sting and blurry as well,

"Why can't you?! I don't see why just that is stopping you!"

"W-what...? W-what do you mean…?"

"Well, if that's how you feel, go out there and tell Arthur! If you don't you'll be unhappy forever! And I won't let that happen!"

"Y-Yao… I would break his heart…" His eyes widened and he looked up to his elder brother once again to see his face red with rage.

"You know that you wouldn't! He is a grown man, he won't cry over something like a heartbreak! You shouldn't be crying either, you should get your fancy dress in there and tell Arthur that you don't want to marry him already, damn it!" Yao yelled and caught his breath after, huffing out an annoyed "Aru!"

Kiku's saddened and helpless feeling face turned into a scowl of determination, Yao was right. He would just make an unhappy future for himself and it was for the best of both of them that he confronted Arthur now. As much as he prayed for the wheat blonde to love him just an hour ago, he now wished more than anything that he could that the other would

Taking a final wipe at his cheeks and eyes, he stood tall and stared back into his brother's face. Giving his resolve in a wordless stare. With his determination evident he picked up his pace and ran up to the giant doors. With not another sound he pushed the door as hard as he could, letting it throw back into the wall behind and make the slamming noise he wasn't too familiar with. He would spare time for an apology if he wasn't as determined as he was. He didn't even spare a moment to flinch at the loud noise as he stared out at the crowds and friends watching him.

More than any of that, he stared in front of him at the two emerald eyes that shone back at him. His eyes were wide and he looked almost confused. After all, KIku did agree to this so there was every right for him to be confused. He seemed to lose some determination and went weak in the knees. Seeing the surprised faces of everyone invited and that came made him feel as if he was doing something horrible. Everything at this wedding had been planned perfectly and there was so much that he would destroy if he just said what he felt. He would ruin everything that Arthur had been planning.

Looking into the two green eyes, Kiku realized that he has seen that same face many times. The same facial expression of hope and almost a look of pleading. That he seemed to be wondering or weighing out his options. That look was all too familiar.

He could remember the dark room that that night started with. It was a calm night, just like any other. A calm night where Kiku was sat outside, in his sweet garden. The garden that felt like home, from the Sakura trees where they didn't have anything on them yet but with a month's time they would be heavy with flowers. Or to the small pond where a few fish swam almost as if they were only relaxing as well. This was the home that he was glad to call his own.

The air of the autumn night was warm and brought a feeling of safety over the small nation. With typhoons and such he couldn't help but feel in danger. The warm nights and the peace of his special garden would let his mind rest of anything he needed to forget. Almost anything.

With a hot cup of tea he would be sure to sleep this night. For a lot of things kept him up the last few nights. But with hope he could get through today without any trouble. After all, a sleep-deprived nation was a threat and definitely would do no good for anyone. Just another minute to watch the branches of the tree dance or to watch the grass rustle to the wind's gentle movement. Such a perfect place this was.

A muffled and almost unsure knocking came into the house behind him. The small raven haired man barely could hear it, if not for the quietness of the world around him. Looking back to the dark rooms behind him to wonder if he should even answer of not. That would be rude, yes. But from the outside and front door it surely looked like nobody was in the barren house.

Getting up from the ground he stood up to dust off the back of his kimono. Kiku moved back into the house with gentle and soft steps, not sure if he wanted the one outside to hear them or not. Placing the half-full cup on a table on the way. Eventually he reached the front door and opened it with as much softness as he did his steps.

Kiku's eyes opened more with a look of surprise, along with a small smile that seemed to take his lips. The man in front of him smiled back as gently as he could. That seemed to be the theme of the night, to be gentle.

Giving a polite bow, the smaller man finished up and looked into the two eyes that smiled back at him. "Hello, Alfred-san."

The other let out a chuckle and tried to mimic the bow politely. "'Sup, Kiku!"

There were a million and a half reasons that the blonde could have come to the other's house at a time like this. None of them seemed to make sense, though. He supposed that he would find out soon.

"Uh... Could I come in?"

That might have eliminated a few, but Kiku was pretty determined to try to use his amateur detective skills to find out why said man was here. He may have been reading too many of Arthur's "Sherlock Holmes" books. "Yes, please do" Kiku said with a larger smile as he moved out of the way to allow the other to do so.

"T-thanks." Alfred replied with a more troubled smile that before, maybe Kiku wasn't the only one with things on his mind. He started to wonder if his new guest had trouble sleeping just as he did.

The usually cheery blonde took off his shoes like he always did, then the two of them walked down the halls and Kiku lead them to the room where he had placed his tea cup earlier, where the lowered table was present.

"Would you like any coffee? I still have some from your last visit." Kiku smiled as he gestured for the other to sit down near the table.

"Oh, that would be pretty cool… Thanks, Dude."

"It is nothing"

With another smile and glance at the other he left the room for the moment, remembering how he had seen Alfred make the drink multiple times when they lived together. After he had water boiling he got the cup and mixed the drink together to a good drink for his guest. He didn't have a coffee machine like the American but he did have a tea pot that worked almost the exact same way.

He stepped back into the dining room to see Alfred sitting cross-legged, with his hands laid lazily on his lap. It seemed that the small man's question was answered and that the other didn't get the sleep he needed either.

"Here." The black haired said and placed the drink in front of the sleepy blonde. Maybe he just watched a scary movie and needed somebody to comfort him. You see, even the greatest of heroes needed comfort ever now and again.

"Oh, thanks again, man. You're a lifesaver." The man smiled and took the cup to him lips to drink just about the whole thing in about one of two sips. Leaving the Japanese man to wonder if he should make more coffee…

"Are you feeling fine, Alfred-san?"

"Yeah, 'course I am! Just a little tired is all"

Kiku frowned a small amount and kneeled down across from his guest on the opposite side of the table.

A small and maybe unnerving silence took over the room while Alfred savored the last of the drink and held the warm cup while the smaller man continued where he left off with the cup of the relaxing tea.

"H-hey. I came here because I wanna' talk to you about something.

"Hmm? And what is that… Alfred-san?" He raised his eyes to see the blonde still with his head looking down into the most likely empty cup.

"W-well…" He took a deep breath. "I wanted to tell you something, I have for a really, really long time, actually."

"…"The raven haired waited patiently and placed down his cup, to hopefully catch the other's oddly quiet words.

"Kiku." The man lifted his head to look at the other finally, his eyes looked determined and finally sure behind the two lenses of his glasses.

"What is it…? You can tell me." The smaller said while he wasn't really liking the suspense at not knowing and curiosity getting the best of him.

"For a long, long time, maybe even when I first saw you, I don't know really. I guess it was just so long ago that I might have forgotten when… 'Ya know?" He said as if he was getting something off his chest.

Kiku waited with wide eyes, predicting the next words and thinking that they were too ridiculous after and banishing them out of his mind. His heart was racing and he put a hand over it to see if that would slow it, it didn't help in the slightest.

"I've always thought that you were pretty cool and maybe that you're really adorable too… Especially in your cat costume last Halloween, you looked just like a fluffy little kitten~"

Kiku couldn't help but wonder where this was going, starting to think his thoughts might be right, or not even noticing the redness that blossomed onto his cheeks like a Sakura bud in spring.

"So. I-I think that you're really cute and you're sweet when you do things like let me into your house or make me coffee when I'm tired and that you watch scary movies with me and that you give me a hug to tell me it's okay after even if you don't like hugs, and also that you're so nice to me and…" He looked closer into the other's face and saw that he was hiding his face in the sleeve of his kimono at the flattery. He decided it was time to stop beating around the bush and to come out with it. He would never know until he said it.

"S-so… Kiku, dude… I-I just want to tell you, that. W-well. I think that I-I might love you. .A lot. And I think I have, for, well... A while."

A loss for words would be an understatement. The small Japanese man was at a loss for mind, his brain didn't seem to work. His heart was skipping like it was about to pop open, his breath wouldn't come out. His face hurt and was certainly a deep crimson.

"Y-y—y-you d-d-do…?"

"Yeah. I have forever, I think."

Haha… leave it to Alfred to say something like that…

Kiku was lost, in everything at the moment. From the way that the other man worded his phrases to the color of his own kimono. Everything seemed new at the moment… Everything seemed to be different.

"S-so, hey. Kiku. I know that it's kinda' sudden. B-but… Is there any chance that you might... you know… Love me back?"

"A-A-Alfred-s-san… I…" Did he? The blonde invaded his thoughts constantly, the other was right, this was far too sudden.

"I think t-that… t-that I'll need t-time to think I-it over…"

The same facial expression of hope and almost a look of pleading... The look of hope that was almost unsure if to keep going or not. The look that would be turned into a look of heartbreak and sadness if pushed even the tiniest bit. The smaller man hadn't been sure of himself then. Then not even a full month later he had run away and gotten engaged to Arthur.

He was sure of himself now, he was sure that he loved Alfred and would give anything to keep that expression wavering. As if he had an option to tell himself that the other wasn't already heartbroken. There was even a chance that he was in this crowd. Alfred could be in this very room and trying to cloud out the pain that he surely felt in his heart.

Kiku had a chance, if he could tell the Englishman his thoughts the American might realize he was sure now. That he didn't want a life with Arthur at all, that as hard as he tried to make it well it would always shift to thoughts of the hero that swept him away. That Kiku would never live with himself if he went through with this day.

The man pushed though the room and ran with the full strength that he could use. Through the curious and confused eyes of the crowd around him and through the perfect wedding that would ultimately lead him down a life of certain and inevitable unhappiness. To his otherwise groom. Said wheat haired looked back at him with a look of concern and a gentle but reassuring grab of the paler and smaller hand of his bride.

The black haired looked up at the Englishman with the determination sparkling in his face. He really didn't want to hurt the other man. The other that had been so nice and gentle to offer a life of happiness and togetherness for them both. Who would go out of his way to make the Japanese man loved and would do as much as set up an entire wedding for the two to show to the public their newfound bonds. Their bonds that would stand for the rest of history. If they weren't stopped.

"Kiku, is there something wrong?" Something wrong, everything was wrong!

Looking into the English like he was about to brace not only himself but him as well, he yelled with most truth and respect for himself than he had found all day. Or ever since the engagement.

"Arthur! I can't marry you!"


	3. Another Chance

Remind and Regret

Final Chapter (III) – Another Chance

"Anoo hi mita sora Akaneiro no sora wo Nee Kimi ha obsete imasu ka

Yakusoku Chigiri Shoka no kaze ga tsutsumu Futari Yorisotta!"

The blonde let a large smile take over his face as he heard the gentle and soft voice of Kiku. Not just his voice nut his voice singing, too. It didn't matter if Alfred was at a complete loss for what the song was about, or meant. It sounded cheery and glad.

"Muri na egao no ura

Nobita kage wo kakumau

Dekara Ki dzukanufuri Saisei wo erabu!"

Anything in Japanese would forever sound adorable to him now. For he was able to listen to his love sing in it. Even if he would have to sneak past the cocoa eyes of the other to hear the singing. He even knew some of the Japanese songs himself! Like one called "Monochrome No Kiss" he knew the first few lines to. It wasn't as nice sounding as the raven haired's voice. But he tried hard to learn it.

Also a song called "Sakura Kiss" that sounded as sweet as well as what Kiku was singing now, the blonde man knew that whole song in Japanese! He was really proud of that. He sat behind the entryway to the two's shared bedroom. His lover and roommate was drawing it seemed, with earbuds in. He guessed that his other was probably listening to the song he was singing. That was just common sense. Plus this song sounded hard to learn, even when the other sang it as easily as if he was reading the lyrics.

The said eastern man was lying on his stomach, his pet dog was cuddled up against his side and snoring. Poochi-kun looked like he was sleeping. The blonde took advantage of the other's awareness and snuck into the room. Listening to the other's song all along.

He carefully sat on the bed next to his lover, watching as the shift in weight on the mattress finally got the raven haired to notice him. As well as getting him to stop singing and let out a chuckle, he was used to this by now.

"Were you listening to me, Alfred-pyon?"

"Haha, of course I was!" He laughed and moved his hand to pat the dog on the head, smiling at the two of them.

"You're a silly nation."

"Yeah, but I'm your silly nation."

"That you are." Kiku laughed out and sat up to give his lover a kiss on his forehead. Earning a kiss on his pale cheek in return.

"So, what were you singing?"

The smaller sighed with his smile still evident. A real smile too. "Uso"

"It's really pretty, I want to learn it too!

"You say everything I sing is pretty."

"That's the point, because your singing is always pretty!"

Kiku laughed "I am not a very good singer, actually…"

"No way, you sound awesome! You always do~!"

"You're just saying that…"

"No way, ask anyone else, you sing great!"

"Thank you, Alfred-pyon. You're sweet."

"I am just for you, Kiku~"

"Thank you…"

Life ever since the wedding had been calm and happy between everyone. Kiku and Alfred, with many mishaps, have finally gotten the life together that both of them wanted. They got to live as roommates again, even with a tank nearby where people care for Alfred's pet whale. Though it would take Kiku time to get used to the sweetness that was Alfred, as a lover now. They could never be happier.

The wedding had been planned and set up completely by Arthur, as the raven haired found out. Who did in fact, love Kiku. Who also did in fact, leave his own potentially perfect wedding with a heart broken. The Englishman would take time to recover from that. Though even the worst enemies in his past took time to comfort him, with much sympathy for their heartbroken new friend.

After the bride had said his famous line of truth, the wedding took a few unexpected turns.

"Arthur! I can't marry you!"

The wheat blonde had the outline of a frown on his face as he held his bride's hand reassuringly, the words not quite to the point of reaching him yet. While the crowd around stared onto the scene like it was a train wreck. Both of them hurt people so it might be the same as that.

"W-What was that...? Kiku?"

"I'm so sorry, A-Arthur-san… But I just can't, I-I don't love you, I love someone e-else…"

This was the adorable and sweet Kiku he was talking to, he l-loved someone else? H-He… He couldn't marry him?

"Who is this someone else?!" It was clear enough that the groom of the wedding was not going to take this well, he had jealousy and hated that would come out of it as well. "Who is it!?"

Kiku opened his mouth to say, though it was strain their relationship until the point that it broke. But then he thought of the relationship of England and America and what that would do to their alignment, the last thing that the raven haired would ever want was to break a team all over him.

He looked up into the other's green eyes and shook his head as if to signal that he couldn't or wouldn't tell. He could barely get his voice to raise high as it was, now he couldn't reach over a mumble if it was to save his life. "I am so sorry, I s-should have told you s-sooner…"'

"Sooner?! Does that mean that this has been happening for some time?!"

Kike nodded his head and kept his eyes down in shame, he felt like he had done a crime and he was finally getting punished for it, or at least finally getting scolded for it. "Y-Yes… I have e-ever since b-before you proposed t-to me…"

At the sight of the tears that were falling from the other's face once again the Englishman felt himself soften just a little. As much as he wished that the other did feel the same it seemed like his wished would not come true. He had wished for the chance to live together and spend his life with Kiku, but it didn't seem like his chance was there to stay. The short period of time before this marriage was his chance to reassure himself that the raven haired did love him back, but he guessed that the time when the small man was trying to love him back it was acting for the sake of to not hurt Arthur's feelings.

Kiku was trying to love him back, he really was. But it was more to not hurt his feelings than to return the feelings genuinely, he just couldn't love two at once. And his hero wouldn't get out of his mind, no matter what he tried to do.

The raven haired looked up at the other and saw that he had tears streaming from his eyes just as he did. "I am sorry, Arthur-san…"

"No, I am sorry Kiku. I don't want to force you into something you don't want to do…"

"I am so very sorry, I should have told you…"

The two shared a small hug, the last contact of this kind they would most likely ever have.

The wedding was decided, two would not be married. They gave apologies to everyone who attended, as well as the priest who was almost stunned. The two would not hold bad feelings from this, the two just simply weren't made to be wed together.

Now a days, Kiku lived a calm and perfect life with his lover and hero, Alfred F. Jones

Waking up in the morning and seeing the man next to him and living with him, he couldn't be happier. He still stayed in touch with Arthur, who in at least three months got over the heartbreak and learned that the lover was Alfred. He announced to everyone that he was happy for the new couple. Kiku and Arthur were still friends, and Alfred and Arthur's alliance wasn't strained in the slightest.

At the moment a smile was spread on KIku's face as he looked over himself fin the mirror. He was in a tuxedo. He got a call from the American to tell him to meet him at their shared house at 9pm. The most logical guess would be that he was going to take him somewhere. So it was a great idea to come up with a fancy or nice to wear, opposed to a normal or casual outfit. The Japanese man wasn't necessarily one for fashion but looking nice wasn't really a bad thing…

It was about 8:40. A few minutes until he had to meet his Alfred. He was sure that he looked fine by now. After three hours of making yourself look perfect one could only hope that they would.

The next 20 minutes passed as quick as the time that he spent getting ready had, which meant really, really slowly. Finally a knock on the door to the bedroom came and Kiku raced over to open it, knowing fully well who would greet him and most likely how.

As predicted, the smaller man was greeted with a flashing smile from a cheerful blonde. But what he was also greeted with was a bouquet of chrysanthemums. KIku gasped a small bit as Alfred handed them to him.

"You got me flowers…" He said with a delighted grin on his face.

"Uh-huh, Just for you~! I got them because I know you like them and because they made me think of you!'

"Thank you, Alfred-san."

The blonde proceeded to take the other's hand, even though the man fought back and took a detour to the kitchen to get a makeshift vase for the flowers. Kiku didn't want anything to happen to his pretty flowers.

The two then then made their way past the house and to the car parked in front. The car ride was calm and impatient as KIku was very curious about where he was going, and as Alfred was very curious and impatient to know what the other's reaction would be. He was almost completely sure that the other would be happy with it. He knew that. Though he couldn't wait to see his lover once he knew what was going to happen.

It took about another 30 minutes to reach the place. It was a hilltop, it was a usually flowery field with the perfect warmth of the spring air blowing across it. Alfred had decided that this place and this night was the perfect place and time. The stars twinkled and all of them stayed glowing in the sky around the large moon. The sight itself was a present enough, it was a beautiful and perfect place to stargaze from.

Kiku looked back to see his other with his hands behind his back and smiling brightly. The face of his was shown with a perfect and bashful smile. The sweet face of his looked like it said everything but then the smaller man got more curious at seeing that the other was hiding something.

The blonde chuckled to himself as he finally worked up the courage for what he was planning for the last three months, or at least since he had learned that the other felt the same for him

With a final sigh and action, the American was down on one knee, the hands behind his back pulled out to reveal to the other a box. A small box that looked almost as darkly colored as the sky above. Kiku let out as gasp.

The box flipped opened to reveal a ring. A simple ring, because nothing special was needed. Only to know that he belonged to Alfred at Alfred's request. At the happy blonde's request that the raven haired would be his bride. That they could try the wedding again. With Alfred as the groom that the Japanese man has always wanted.

"Kiku, will you marry me?"

The End


End file.
